I feel like 95 percent of the fashion industry is a front. A front for glamour, access, personality, connection and looks obviously. I would pride myself as someone who tries not to front. I don’t buy followers, I don’t pretend to be somewhere I’m not, I don’t take pictures and say I own what’s in the picture if I don’t. I try to “keep it real”. However, I do Photoshop and FaceTune my zits and I live for a good Snapchat filter. As of recently I found myself being ridiculed for not being up to other’s standards. Or being subliminally torn apart on social media because of what someone else is going through. As a 25-year-old woman who has insecurities like anyone else I found myself buying into it and comparing myself to others and their success. But, I don’t know their stories. I don’t know how they know this person, or how they got into this party or fashion show. All I know is what they allow me to see on social media. As many of you may know a little over a year ago I lost my older brother to suicide. My brother dealt with depression and mental illness for probably over ten years. My brother always thought fashion was stupid for that very reason. He and many others think that the fashion industry is all about how rich and cool you are. But believe it or not my love for fashion goes so far beyond that. I’ve done seven internships related to fashion and entertainment. I’ve worked retail since I was fifteen (and I still do, proudly). Were any of those internships “fabulous”? No, not one- but people will only see a Vogue magazine cover and say that’s “fashion”. Some people even want to be in “fashion” for those very reasons, and try and live up to that Devil Wears Prada stereotype. So with that being said. No, I am not Instagram famous. No, I am not a socialite nor am I “ON”, nor has anyone put me “ON” (no matter what they may tell you). I pay for all my clothes, bags and shoes myself- no body buys them for me and I love a good sale. Both my parents are accounts but, I am terrible at accounting I actually failed it twice. I graduated from two programs (Fashion Business at George Brown College and Broadcasting Journalism at Sheridan College). Sidenote: Somebody told me recently that I graduated and I’m still working retail so I’ll never amount to his or her “accomplishments”. And that’s fine.
Although many have come together to hurt me or see me fail, or comment that I am not where they are in their careers or whatever the case maybe. I don’t know “their” career because I only look for people to inspire me. I don’t even follow a lot of people I know on Instagram for that exact reason. I don’t go on Instagram to creep people I don’t get along with so I can mock them to make myself feel better. I use Instagram as a mood board to see what creative people are pursuing. And I want that to inspire me. The past few days I have felt down because people that were once very close to my heart have used my insecurities against me. Even though I know deep down their words and actions come from their own pain. It still hurts. I was bullied when I was in middle school and high school because of my looks. So I guess now as a 25-year-old that’s why I feel the need to Photoshop and FaceTune. But bullies aren’t the same as they were in high school and middle school. As adults, people wont tell you what they think about you to your face because they don’t want to look openly mean. Instead they will tell you everything that they think is wrong with you in kind and sometimes not so kind ways. Sleep with your boyfriend, befriend other friends that hate you, subtweet or sub-comment on social media, ask you for things but never support you. My favourite is when they do things purposefully to hurt you and then pretend that you are crazy for calling them out for it. But with all that has happened or still happens I know there is nothing I can do about it. My brother’s passing and walking by his empty room everyday reminds me I don’t have anyone that is going to stand up for me against my bullies, I only have myself. Along with my career, I only have myself. No one is going to get me where I want to go in life but me.
I watched this video of Necole from Necole Bitchie and she talks so openly about failing and “fronting” and it inspired me to keep it 100. I am not going to pretend to be something I’m not. I never have and I never will. If I don’t live up to someone’s “standards” that is none of my business what anyone else has to say about me. Whether you are an acquaintance or someone who thinks they know me very well. I wish you all the best in everything. Because whatever you do I will still keep going. If my losing my brother didn’t stop me from pursuing my dreams what makes you think you will? Anyway, failure is okay. Sometimes my insecurities tell me I am a failure because I don’t have my dream job, I’m not married (nor do I have a boyfriend), I don’t live in a condo in Manhattan or LA and I’m not famous. All I can do is continue to grind with flaws and all. Anyway, I hope this inspired you to not listen to those shitty voices in your head telling you that you suck or your never going to make it. Some “make it” in different ways.